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Don't Worry Frisky Lawyers, Your Love Contracts Aren't Too Creepy

By Casey C. Sullivan, Esq. on October 15, 2015 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

Ah, young lawyers in love, sending each other love contracts, dating subpoenas, or demand letters for some romance. We're not sure how often amorous attorneys demand that their love interests "show cause as to why you should not be held in my arms tonight," but every once in awhile, those nerdy, legalistic entreaties make their way on to the Internet and are cruelly mocked.

But don't worry, lawyers. Those attempts at seduction are actually cute. They just need a bit of finessing.

Reaching an Amicable Settlement in You vs. My Heart

It can be hard to master the arts of seduction when you're expected to bill 10 to 12 hours a day. So, the logic goes, stick to what you know: the law. Hence, the three page dating contract one Floridian Don Juan, Esq., made his lover sign in August. More recently, Above the Law published a date subpoena sent out by a Californian lawyer. It demanded a "personal appearance, moderate consumption of beverages, grog, and carbohydrates, and the voluntary participation in personal depositions" at Lucille's Smokehouse in Orange County.

Sure, the reference to grog and carbs is a bit too Renaissance-faire-nerdy for our tastes, but the whole thing has a quirky charm. "Is there a woman who exists outside the realm of Ashley Madison bots that would actually find this clever," Above the Law demands to know. The love bots at FindLaw, that's who.

But, if you want to pull out your Blue Book to help you fall in love, here are some quick tips:

Sexy Tip 1: Skip the Boilerplate. Nothing makes your legal flirtation fall flat faster than including the absolute worst parts of legal documents. That Florida dating contract? It quickly lost its charm when it abandoned personal touches for standard indemnification, force majeur, and choice of law clauses. As we said back in August, "if he's not willing to customize the severability clause, he's not worth it."

Sexy Tip 2: Don't Come out of the Blue. You should know that someone is interested before throwing a contract of romantic adhesion his or her way. Sending a subpoena to the guy in the tax practice group that you've only talked to three times is creepy -- and likely to lead to an HR complaint. Giving the lady across the hall temporary power of attorney over your heart after your fourth date, when there's clearly a connection -- well, that's actually cute.

Sexy Tip 3: Keep It off the Internet. Save yourself some wounded pride by keeping as much of your love life off the Internet as possible. The Internet is mean and it hates love.

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