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We're a quarter through 2016 and we think we've found this year's current winner of the most profane piece of work product. Michigan lawyer Bradley J. Shafer prefaced his mediation summary of his stripper club case with some personal comments about the nature of his industry and strippers in general.
And then, he goes ape. If you don't believe us, you should read the summary yourself. Remember, this has been filed in court.
A Brief Summary
Shafer represents Club Caberet which is defending against several of its dancers who seek employment status over their current contractor status as well as better wages. The case is in mediation. On March 4, he sent a mediation summary to Judge Denton and CCed the summary to opposing counsel.
A Loss in the Family
Shafer's personal comments begin benignly enough. It reads easily and aside from a few immaterial grammatical and formatting issues, it is at least a somewhat interesting read. He goes into detail about his experiences as representing "gentlemen's clubs" throughout the country and describes himself as the attorney who has "represented more exotic dance clubs in these types of actions than any other attorney in the country." So he can rightfully be called an expert. He also accused dancers generally of not knowing what they want because employment status would mean steep tax consequences for them.
As the letter progresses, the tone gets notably more unhinged and bellicose, as Above the Law notes. By the time the reader hits page five, the train has already started to derail after a bumpy ride. By page seven, the train came crashing down. Shafer saw fit to include the personal fact that his beloved family pet had recently died after battling a debilitating disease and noted rather irately that instead of being at home mourning, he had to deal with the "bull****" of submitting a mediation summary.
The rest of the summary simply was a long slide downwards.
"My D*** is Going to Come out of Their NOSES."
In the end, Shafer issues threats against the plaintiffs and the mediator to resolve the suit. He demands that OC's clients pony up tax returns establishing that they'd paid taxes on their income or he would "legally F*** them so far up their A**ES with the IRS that [his] D*** [would] come out of their NOSES." He then foot-noted that sentence by making it clear that he was not bluffing.
Motions for Sanctions
Above the Law's Joe Patrice has opined that opposing counsel's motion for Shafer's withdrawal based on the filing is a bit of a "stretch," but does concede that Shafer's behavior was unprofessional and stupid. Another attorney in the case opined that the issue would certainly have to be litigated in court.