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Florida vampire Josephine Smith, 22, was arrested on charges of felony aggravated battery on an elderly person late last week, accused of attacking 69-year-old Milton Ellis while outside a vacant Hooters in St. Petersburg.
Wheelchair-bound and asleep at the time of the attack, the homeless Ellis managed to escape and call for help, but not before Smith bit off chunks of his face and arm.
Police found a half naked Smith shortly, covered in blood.
Josephine Smith was also unable to answer questions when police arrived, but the St. Petersburg Times reports that she had met Ellis while waiting at a nearby gas station earlier that night.
After inviting her to hang out with him at the vacant Hooters, Ellis fell asleep, but woke up when Smith yelled, "I'm a vampire, I am going to eat you!" and then attacked.
Take this as proof that you should never invite a Florida vampire into your home--even if it does happen to be the front porch of a vacant Hooters.
Because Floridians levy harsher punishments against vampires (and people who abuse and eat elderly persons and children as opposed to young adults and the middle-aged), Smith now faces a minimum term of imprisonment of 3 years, mandatory restitution, and up to 500 hours of community service.
She's also probably going to have a psych evaluation and a drug test, as government officials will want to learn as much about this Florida vampire while they have the chance.
Or, you know, whether Josephine Smith was insane or intoxicated at the time of the attack.
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