Man Breaks Into Home to Cuddle
Cuddles? Cuddle-cakes? Cuddle-bear? Cuddle-muffin? Cuddle-bunny? What do you call a man who breaks into his ex-girlfriend's home to cuddle with her? Well, and probably to have sex with her.
Police in Orange County arrested Augustin Sanchez early Sunday morning after receiving an urgent call from his ex-girlfriend.
She slept through the first part of the cuddle-assault, but woke up when Sanchez -- still in bed -- tried to remove her underwear.
Yeah, dude's a real cuddle-monster.
Police say a drunken Augustin Sanchez cut through the screen and pushed open a bedroom window, reports the Orange County Register. Presumably stuck in a cuddle-coma, he released his ex, who "calmly" slipped out of bed to call police.
He must have remained in bed for quite some time, as the Register further reports that he was still at the home when police arrived. Officers subsequently arrested him on suspicion of burglary.
But wait! Burglary? He only stole a few cuddles...
Ah, but you see, burglary is actually defined as "entering into a structure with the intent to commit a felony once inside." Cuddling itself may not be a felony in California, but sexual assault is.
Trying to remove an ex-girlfriend's underwear while she's asleep? Arguably sexual assault. Cuddling with a woman without first obtaining consent? If you're her ex-boyfriend and just broke into her house -- probably sexual assault.
Don't believe me? Just ask the police -- they also booked Augustin Sanchez on suspicion of sexual assault. He's going to have a great time cuddling in jail.
- Investigators say man got into ex's bed to cuddle (Associated Press)
- Burglary Overview (FindLaw)
- Naked Man Caught Stealing Flat Screen TV in Conn. (FindLaw's Legally Weird)
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