Character Reference Letters for Child Custody

A child custody reference speaks to your good character. Like a job reference, it helps prove that you are fit for the role and responsibilities of parenting. A court receives this letter during the custody case.

In this legal guide, you can learn about the following topics:

• The purpose of a character reference letter
• Who can write you a reference for child custody
• How to write a character reference letter
• Family court rules for reference letters in child custody cases

What Is a Reference Letter in Child Custody Cases?

A character reference letter is a third party’s account of why you are fit to receive child custody rights. This document is like having a friend give witness testimony in a courtroom. The purpose of the letter is to persuade the court to preserve your parent-child relationship.

This letter can help the judge learn about your circumstances, such as:

• Your existing emotional bond with your child
• Your parenting skills and track record of serving the best interests of the child
• Your general conduct and ways you demonstrate responsibility
• The child’s life and unique needs

The judge may use the information in this letter to inform their decisions. It may help show whether you are a trustworthy parent, especially if someone has raised concerns about abuse or other issues. Or, it can suggest which type of custody arrangement may be best.

Courts use many different terms for character reference letters. Sworn affidavits and character witness statements are two examples of alternate terms.

When To Seek a Character Reference Letter

If parents settle on a parenting plan, courts usually don’t have reason to be concerned about their character. A reference letter may be unnecessary in these relatively low-conflict cases.

A character reference letter may be appropriate if:

• The other parent alleges you aren’t safe or responsible enough for custody or visitation rights
• A third party, such as a neighbor or relative, raises serious concerns about one or both parents
• You have a criminal record, such as a DUI conviction or protection order against you
• You have a history of a serious medical condition, mental illness, or suicide attempts
• You lost custody before and want to reinstate your parental rights

Courts typically favor protecting parent-child relationships as much as possible. Yet, when custody would negatively affect a child, they consider awarding sole custody to the other parent. You may need as much evidence as possible to show that your relationship is in the child’s best interests.

A character reference letter can be meaningful, yet its influence has limits. These letters are only one part of a broader legal strategy. You can consult with a child custody lawyer to determine how else to protect your parental rights.

For example, you might have to complete rehabilitation for substance abuse. Then, you may ask your counselor or program manager for a letter describing your progress. These steps can show the court that you have resolved the problem and are ready to be present in the child’s life.

What Should a Character Reference Letter Include?

Child custody references usually include the following elements:

• The contact information of the person who wrote it, including their full name, phone number, and address
• A brief description of the author’s relationship with you
• Specific examples describing your parent-child relationship, such as how you’ve solved problems for your child
• An overall testament to your positive traits or improvements of a prior issue
• Any unique concerns they have about the child’s situation and how you are in a position to help
• The writer’s signature and the date of signing

These details can help create a compelling argument in your favor. They may preemptively address questions or issues that could arise in your custody or divorce case.

Character Reference Letter Court Requirements

A child custody reference is a formal document or affidavit. Unlike a regular letter, it must follow court requirements to be admissible as evidence in your case.

These requirements can vary by state — and even by specific court. For example, Riverside County Court in California uses a form with brief questions.

Furthermore, some courts don’t accept character reference letters. Other courts only give these letters slight consideration. Verify whether your court considers these letters before asking someone to write one.

Check your court’s guidelines to understand all the elements the letter should include. Your attorney can also help you communicate these rules to the person who writes the letter.

Who To Ask for a Character Reference Letter

The person who writes the letter is called a “referee.” A referee should know you well and have a positive outlook on your relationship with your child.

You’ll likely want your letter to come from a reputable individual for credibility. The referee should also be dependable and responsive because they might need to appear in court as a character witness.

Common examples of who you might contact for a reference letter include:

• Your close friends or family friends
• A co-worker or your boss
• Teachers or childcare providers
• Community leaders
• Therapists or counselors
• Neighbors
• Another family member

It’s wise to select someone who can speak to the particular concern in your case, such as a neglect accusation. Legal counsel can help you determine who in your life may be in the best position to help you.

Preparing Someone To Write the Character Witness Letter

The referee needs to know enough details about the court’s expectations. Provide your case number and any relevant information about the custody battle. Your attorney can help with this process.

Do not offer to pay or otherwise compensate the person for providing the letter. A reward or favor could suggest a conflict of interest. The court might suspect they only wrote a positive reference to get the reward, even if their letter was genuine.

Avoid telling the referee exactly what to write. This letter must contain their authentic opinion and observations. Writing this letter yourself under their name, regardless of their awareness, violates court procedures. Doing so risks legal penalties and can jeopardize your parental rights.

Tips for Writing a Character Reference Letter

The responsibility of creating a reference letter for someone can be intimidating. Yet, these letters don’t have to be difficult to write. They are typically brief summaries illustrating why the parent should have child custody or visitation.

If someone asks you to testify about their character, consider the following tips:

• Stay honest. Completing a court document is similar to testifying under oath. Intentionally lying about either parent or the circumstances may risk perjury.

• Speak up if you are uncomfortable with providing a reference. If you don’t know the requestor well enough, you might not be able to vouch for their character and parenting abilities.

• Begin by making a quick list of qualities or examples you could highlight. This brainstorming process may make getting started with your draft easier.

• Research sample character reference letters for inspiration. If the court provides a template, using it can improve the chances that your letter will be acceptable.

• Avoid copying someone else’s sample or using artificial intelligence (AI) to generate your letter. The result of these methods might not reflect the truth.

• Follow any formatting rules or instructions from the specific court with jurisdiction of the case.

• Include specific details when possible. Anecdotes can be helpful, but keep them brief. Your examples don’t have to be dramatic; simple moments can show how the parent enhances the child’s life.

• Stay respectful and professional. Avoid insulting or blaming the other party in the custody case. If applicable, you may include legitimate concerns about the child’s well-being related to the other parent. Otherwise, focus on the positive traits of the person who requested the letter.

• Review your draft for any major spelling and grammar errors. These letters don’t need to showcase perfect English skills but should be as clear and accurate as possible.

Don’t procrastinate writing and sending your letter. The court usually sets a deadline to ensure the child custody case can proceed without delay.

Get Legal Advice and Support for Your Child Custody Case

Many parents worry about losing custody or visitation rights. Courts aim to keep parents and children together. Yet, a major issue could prompt a judge to consider terminating parental rights.

A family lawyer can defend your rights. They can help you take steps, such as getting a character reference letter, to advocate for your parent-child bond. They can also help with related issues like child support. Consult with a family law attorney for guidance in your state.