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Another adventure in the ongoing saga of legalized marijuana: today’s episode comes straight from Happy — too happy? — Valley, Oregon, where 18-year-old Alan Alcantara, who could not look any more stoned in his mugshot, drove himself and a friend to the Stumptown Cannabis dispensary at 1:05 a.m. Sunday morning. Sorry, no, he drove himself and a friend into the Stumptown Cannabis dispensary at 1:05 a.m. Sunday morning.
The most shocking part of Alcantara’s tale? He might’ve been high.
According to court papers, Alcantara's vehicle struck an unoccupied parked car before coming through the pot shop's back wall, Kool-Aid Man-style. An employee of the shop told The Oregonian that the dispensary wasn't open at that late hour, which begs the question: did Alcantara think the shop was open and fail to brake in time, or did he think it was closed and it was break-in time?
Between the other car and the dispensary wall, Alcantara accounted for over $1,000 in damage and sent his buddy to the hospital to boot. Police say the passenger was treated for a concussion at a nearby hospital. A Clackamas County sheriff's deputy also says Alcantara admitted to using marijuana before the crash.
In all, Alcantara racked up five criminal charges from one late-night excursion:
All told, our man is facing nine years in prison and $150K in fines, all because he followed that siren song of some sticky icky sativa. Learn from this, kids.