Tips for Unmarried Parents Raising Children Together

Not all couples want to get married. Even if the couple has children together or lives together, they may choose not to wed. After all, marriage is a significant personal and legal commitment that’s not right for every couple.

But not being married to your significant other can present other challenges. This is especially true when there are children. If you plan, you can avoid many of these challenges.

Below are tips for unmarried parents who are raising children together:

• Ensure both parents’ names are on the birth certificate
• Choose a last name
• Qualify your child for government benefits
• Adopt a child as unmarried parents
• Adopt your partner’s child
• Claim your child on tax forms
• Play a live-in parental role 
• Navigate a breakup as unmarried parents
• Seek public assistance 

Unmarried partners don’t enjoy the same legal protections as married couples, even if they have children together and live together. Find legal help near you.

Ensure Both Unmarried Parents’ Names Are on the Birth Certificate

One of the best tips for unmarried parents is to include both names on the birth certificate. In most states, adding the father’s name to the certificate will help establish legal paternity or paternal rights. 

Legal parentage gives the father rights to custody and visitation. Visitation is also known as parenting time. Parents’ legal rights and responsibilities include custody rights, visitation rights, and child support obligations. In some states, the name alone will not guarantee such rights. 

Any child born to a married, opposite-sex couple is legally presumed to be the child of the husband. But when they are not married parents, there’s no such presumption.

Each state has its own procedures and processes to establish paternity. Find a family law attorney near you.

Paternity Affidavits

Most states require unmarried fathers to sign an affidavit acknowledging their paternity. Both parents should sign and notarize a written statement acknowledging the father’s paternity.

An affidavit alone won’t suffice in establishing paternal rights. The couple will still need a judgment of paternity entered by the court. Courts will enter the judgment if the affidavit is signed.

The child’s mother must also agree that the person is the child’s father. In some instances, the mother might want a DNA test to prove paternity before she signs the affidavit.

Your state’s Bureau of Vital Statistics keeps records of all birth certificates. Check with your own state’s bureau to see if they keep paternity affidavits. If so, yours is on file. Some states, like Kentucky, require a certified court order to change the father on the birth certificate.

Choose Your Child’s Name Carefully

Most states allow any name to go on a child’s birth certificate. This includes first, middle, and last names.

The child doesn’t have to take either of the parents’ names, but they could take one or the other. Or, you can hyphenate the two names. Some parents even give one parent’s last name as the child’s middle name and the other parent’s last name as the child’s last name.

If you need more time to decide, you can amend your child’s birth certificate later. You can do this through your state’s Bureau of Vital Statistics. But keep in mind this can be a complicated process.

Generally, if you want to change your child’s name or even amend an incorrect spelling, the state will want a court order. This can be frustrating and time-consuming.

Qualify Your Child for Eligible Government Benefits

As long as your name is on the child’s birth certificate, your biological and legal children are eligible for government benefits. This includes Social Security survivorship benefits, government pension, etc.

If your name isn’t included on the birth certificate, your child might still be eligible for benefits. But they’ll face the hassles of proving paternity.

The key is proving paternity to the government agency, which is simpler through the birth certificate or paternity affidavit at the time of, or shortly after, your child’s birth.

Unmarried Parents Adopting a Child

All states allow single parents to adopt through a process called “single-parent adoption.” Being married is not a prerequisite to adoption.

But, adopting a child jointly as an unmarried couple may cause issues that even single parents do not face when adopting. Some states do allow unmarried couples to adopt, but it is the most uncommon form of adoption.

If you are an unmarried couple trying to adopt a child, you may face more scrutiny from prospective birth mothers and adoption agencies. If you and your partner aren’t married, you may have to do more work to prove to social services and government agencies that your home is stable enough to raise children.

When an unmarried couple adopts a child jointly, they’re both the child’s legal parents, with equal rights and responsibilities to the child. This is true even if the unmarried parents separate, in which case each parent has a right to ask the family court for custody, visitation, and child support from the other parent.

Growing your family through adoption? Expect the process to be emotional and legally complex. A local attorney can answer your legal questions and guide your family through each step.

Adopting Your Partner’s Child

When someone who’s not a biological parent adopts their partner’s child, this is called a “second-parent adoption.” These are most common in stepparent-stepchild scenarios.

States also grant second-parent adoptions when a same-sex partner adopts their partner’s child. This is a common way for same-sex couples to raise families.

When the adopting parent is married to one of the biological parents, second-parent adoptions are commonly approved. The courts favor situations where the adopting couple is legally married, and the child will continue living with the couple. Courts view such adoptions as improving the structure of the family. Second-parent adoptions by unmarried couples are less favored.

Unless parents have been deemed “unfit” by some legal process or have abandoned their child, they have a right to parent their own child. Because of this, second-parent adoptions cannot be granted unless one of the following applies:

• Both of the child’s legal parents’ consent
• The noncustodial parent is deceased
• The noncustodial parent has been deemed “unfit” by a court
• The noncustodial parent has abandoned the child

Social services will initially determine whether a parent has abandoned the child or is unfit, and then may seek to have the noncustodial parent’s rights terminated. If the noncustodial parent has paid support and maintained a relationship with the child, that parent must give consent before a second-parent adoption can be approved.

Once a second-parent adoption is successful, the adoptive parent has the same rights and duties as a biological parent. This means that if the couple ever separates, the adoptive parent has custody and visitation rights and a duty to support the child.

Claiming Children on Tax Forms

Only one parent can claim the children as dependents on their taxes if the parents are unmarried. Either unmarried parent is entitled to the exemption so long as they support the child.

Which Parent Should Claim the Child on Their Tax Returns?

Typically, the best way to decide which parent should claim the child is to determine which parent has the higher income. The parent with the higher income will receive a bigger tax break. The parents can agree to split the tax return, even though only one parent is receiving it.

If the parents do not agree, they can complete a form (Form 8332) with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) to claim their child for exemption on their taxes. If you have questions about your taxes, you should connect with a tax professional or tax attorney to help you navigate your taxes.

A Non-Parent Playing a Live-In Parental Role

Issues can arise when a nonparent, who is living with the child, acts as that child’s parent regarding certain decisions.

The legality of this nonparent’s authority to do this depends on several factors:

• No third party, unless that third party has obtained legal custody or guardianship, will have priority to make educational or medical decisions over a parent. Even a stepparent would not have such authority.
• Since schools are legally liable for the safety and care of the children, they can only accept signatures and permission slips from the children’s legal guardians. An unmarried partner of a legal parent does not qualify as a legal guardian.
• Nonparents may be permitted to pick up children from school if a legal parent informs the school.

Contact your child’s school to find out what procedures are necessary to allow nonparents to be involved in making some decisions.

What Happens When Unmarried Parents Break Up?

If both parents are legal parents, biologically or through adoption, they each have an equal right to pursue custody. Neither parent can deprive the other of this right. Once one parent is granted custody, they cannot deprive the other of their visitation rights.

The noncustodial parent must continue to be involved in the child’s life through visitation and child support. Child support payments are a critical part of ensuring financial support for the child. These are typically mandated by a court and are based on the parents’ income, the child’s needs, and the custody arrangement.

A co-parenting plan can be developed to outline how you and the other parent will care for the child. This includes parenting time, decision-making responsibilities, and communication guidelines. The main goal is to prioritize the child’s well-being and maintain a stable environment for them.

Seeking Parental Rights After a Breakup

If an unmarried partner is not a legal parent of the child, legal rights for visitation are not automatic or guaranteed. They would first have to establish legal parentage.

Unmarried partners can enter into a written agreement if they both want to be a part of the child’s life. This agreement could include visitation and support. But it is important to know that such an agreement may not be upheld in court.

If an agreement can’t be made and the nonparent wants to pursue rights in court, the outcome will be based on state law. Unless the legal parent is deemed to be unfit, the court will favor the parents over the nonparents.

In very limited circumstances, some states do grant some form of visitation to nonparents if it is found to be in the best interests of the child. Check your own state’s laws and consult an experienced family law attorney for answers and guidance to your situation.

Can Unmarried Parents Living Together Get Public Assistance?

Public assistance eligibility for unmarried parents living together depends on the specific program and your state. While living and raising children together doesn’t automatically disqualify you from assistance, it can impact your ability to qualify for programs that use household income to determine eligibility.

Programs like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) and TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) use household income and household size (among other criteria) to determine eligibility.

Check with your state’s social services or human services office for eligibility rules in your area.

Unmarried Parents Raising Children Together? Get Legal Help

If you still have questions or concerns after reading these tips for unmarried parents, you may need legal help. Unmarried couples don’t receive the same legal protections as married couples, and getting legal advice is a good way to ensure you have a voice in the process and understand your rights.

Lawyers can provide valuable legal advice about parental rights and child custody issues related to physical custody or sole custody. They can also help you draft necessary legal documents, like a custody arrangement or parenting plan. Attorneys will help represent you in family court until you receive a final custody order.

FindLaw’s directory of family law attorneys can get you started. Enter your city or ZIP code for a list of qualified legal professionals near you. Because your state’s family laws are relevant, your attorney should be licensed in your state. Your search results will also show important details about potential lawyers, including ratings and whether they offer free case evaluations.