'I Like Large Breasts,' But Not During Trial, Attorney Motions Court

Chicago lawyer Thomas Gooch, representing a car dealership in a small claims action, filed a motion against his opposing counsel Dmitry Feofanov. The motion was meant to exclude from the plaintiff's table a "large-breasted woman" who is seated next to Feofanov.

That's right. Attorney Thomas Gooch - barred and licensed to practice law - wrote a motion discussing a "large breasted woman." At least he went with a term that sounds a bit more formal instead of the vernacular "big boobs."

Gooch thought that Feofanov was using this busty lady to distract the members of the jury from the case, reports the New York Daily News.

Reportedly, the lady sitting at the desk next to Feofanov, Daniella Atencia, is a paralegal.

Gooch thinks otherwise.

Gooch is probably wrong.

First off, according to reports, Atencia - the buxom lady - is actually Feofanov's wife, as well as his paralegal, office manager, and secretary.

Plus, she's been paid as a paralegal before, reports the New York Daily News. So, Gooch's allegations that she's not a real paralegal seem to fall a bit flat.

And, so does his entire argument that some big-breasted lady is going to distract the jury from the relevant facts of the case. Does Gooch not have faith in the average American?

It's not like we live in a sex-filled perverted society. We have morals, and values. Americans line up for jury duty around the block since we all believe in our civic duty and the importance of the adversarial trial system! Some hot lady sitting up at the plaintiff's table is so not going to distract the good members of the jury.

So what's next for Mr. Gooch? Preemptory strikes for all hot jurors? After all, wouldn't it be even more distracting to have a large-breasted woman or hot stud sitting in the jury box with the rest of the panel?

Related Resources:

• Big-breasted woman at Chicago trial spurs objection (CBS News)
• Judge Orders Law Student, 25, to Leave Parent's Home, Get a Job (FindLaw's Greedy Associates)
• Client Stabs First, then Second Attorneys with Pencils (FindLaw's Greedy Associates)