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Forget Cameras in Court. The Supreme Court Just Needs Puppets

By Stephanie Rabiner, Esq. on January 20, 2012 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

Imagine the Supreme Court as puppets.

No -- not political puppets. Actual puppets -- felt, fur and a hand up the... Okay, you get the point. A Clarence Thomas puppet would be amazing -- all sour-faced and half-asleep. And with a sassy Elena Kagan puppet on the bench, the dialogue would be pretty great, too.

Our videos are unfortunately stuck in pre-pre-pre-production, so we don't have any to share. While you wait, you should check out The Puppet's Court, a great new show out of the Northern District of Ohio.

Okay, fine. No such plans exist. But Puppet's Court is an actual a segment aired on Cleveland's WOIO Channel 19. It chronicles the public corruption trial of Jimmy Dimora, a former county commissioner. Cameras have been banned from the federal courtroom, so the station has resorted to puppets.

The nightly segment features a squirrel newscaster and other puppets reading testimony, listening to wiretaps and reenacting events, explains the Plain Dealer. In the following segment, Puppet's Court recounts a wiretapped phone call about Dimora's gambling trip to Las Vegas:

Ah, yeah. We forgot to mention the herpes. Sorry about that -- puppet herpes is no joke.

In the coming weeks, Puppet's Court plans to cover the more absurd aspects of the Dimora trial. Luckily, there are many.

Co-defendant Michael Gabor is accused of offering a judge $10,000 to fix his divorce. And a key witness has been getting snarky on the stand. Witnesses also can't decide whether Dimora (jokingly) acquired herpes from a prostitute or masseuse.

Maybe they should let the Supreme Court (as puppets, of course) decide?

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