Contested divorce proceedings can lead to some of the most vicious court battles known to family law. When a relationship sours between spouses, the ensuing divorce process can result in emotional stress shooting off the charts as those who were partners, but are now the bitterest of foes, fight tooth and nail over everything from child custody and spousal support to property division and who gets the dog. It can turn into something more like a cage match than a civilized solution to allocate assets, and when animosity outweighs the willingness to compromise, it can lead to a long, drawn-out legal fight.
It doesn’t have to be that way. If you and your soon-to-be former spouse are parting on good terms and intend to have an amicable divorce, it’s possible to make the experience less of an assault on your mental health and well-being by forging an agreement between yourselves instead of leaving the decision-making up to the court.
This is called an uncontested divorce, and it can be a cost-effective method of asset division. But it’s definitely not for everyone. If you don’t think you’ll be able to come to a mutual agreement with your estranged over issues like alimony or child support, you might be better off leaving it up to the divorce lawyers to argue about to the court. For those who believe that level heads will prevail in their split, the potential for a type of divorce that others wish they’d had is real. After ensuring you’re aware of the basic requirements for pursuing this path, we’ll offer a few tips to help you make informed decisions.
No, Seriously, Who Gets the Dog?
You may be relieved, or even ecstatic, after the divorce process concludes, but it’s almost a certainty that it wasn’t the happy years together that brought you to this point. Divorce is tough, even if you’re both good people and can still recognize that fact about each other.
Most marriages involve a couple who have woven their lives together for years or even decades, and figuring out custody arrangements and which of you gets the car can be more tricky than the Gordian Knot (we stridently suggest that you refrain from using a sword as a solution). If you and your how-are-they-not-already-my ex aren’t able to be around each other without snarling and baring claws, following through on an uncontested divorce might not be feasible.
For those who don’t believe that they somehow wedded a demon from a lower level of Hell, there are still a few things to be aware of if you’re considering trying for an uncontested divorce. While you and your erstwhile spouse may be successful in hammering out an agreement, it will still need to be approved by the court. This means that having it reviewed by legal counsel before submission is an expense worth considering. Family law attorneys can review an agreement to ensure you know exactly what the terms of your divorce are, even if they didn’t draft or negotiate it. It can be all too easy to miss assets you may have a right to, such as 401(k)s, which you could end up regretting later.
Still with us? Great. Let’s explore a few bits of advice that will both show you what to expect and how to handle some issues that may arise before your final court appearance as a married couple.
Know Your State’s Divorce Requirements
Your ability to have an uncontested divorce will likely be affected by where you live. Divorce laws vary by state, and before you can choose the type you want, you’ll need to know if you’re eligible to start the process at all. In general, you’ll need to meet some semblance of the following for an uncontested divorce:
- Minimum residence requirements (such as having lived in the state for a required amount of time)
- Minimum waiting period
- A required separation period
- All states allow for no-fault divorce. If you’re pursuing a fault divorce in a state that allows them, you’ll have to show grounds, but an amicable split may be unlikely in that case.
- A written marital agreement that both sides agree to and are willing to sign off on
- Both sides are in agreement as to the necessity for divorce
- If a prenuptial agreement is part of the divorce proceedings, the court can review its enforceability if challenged
Mediate, Alleviate, Try Not To Hate
Even in the friendliest of divorces, there are likely things the two of you are going to disagree over. While using a separation form can provide a helpful outline, it won’t magically solve squabbles over financial support or a mutually acceptable parenting plan for your looming post-divorce world. If you’re running into problems, especially in the early going, hiring a mediation service is worth considering.
Mediators aren’t free, but the expense will be less than the legal fees of a drawn-out divorce. As a neutral third party, a mediator will seek an equitable solution to the issues at stake. Some states provide portals to help you find someone to address your particular situation.
This Is Not “The Price Is Right.” Don’t Guess at Values.
If you and your spouse were together for a while, you may well have accumulated lots of personal property. During divorce proceedings, it all needs to be either allocated or sold. While “okay, you take this and I’ll take that” types of deals are a part of uncontested divorces, a court will boot your property division if it feels that the split is unconscionable or unfair.
The best way to avoid this is to get appraisals on valuable items. Should expensive pieces of jewelry be professionally appraised? Absolutely. Your chipped mug from your college fraternity? Maybe not. Having values established by a professional can help make balancing the ledger a little easier and save you from the frustration of having all your hard work bounced by a skeptical judge. This is also true of hidden assets. "Forgetting" about that stock or some other asset can come back to bite you.
Don’t Agree To Disagree
If you haven’t gotten the hint yet, crafting the agreement for an uncontested divorce is not likely to be easy. You and your not-better half are almost certainly going to have disagreements over personal property, child care issues, or any of a host of other reasons. Go in with the understanding that these absolutely must be resolved before you submit an agreement.
The judge will ask whether all terms of the agreement are acceptable to both parties. If either person voices an objection at that point, you’re now in a contested divorce. The court will likely order some sort of professional guidance moving forward, which means you may end up in the law offices you were trying to avoid. Speaking of attorneys …
Get a Lawyer. Your Own Lawyer.
Wait. Isn’t the whole point of opting for an uncontested divorce to avoid unnecessary expense? Indeed, it is. Still, unless you’re extremely well-versed in the legal system, having an expert take a look at your proposed agreement to see if they believe it’ll hold water is a good idea. A really good idea that doesn’t have to break the bank.
Another really good idea, and one that’s pretty much non-negotiable? Get your own attorney. In fact, both of you should hire an attorney for a final review of any uncontested divorce agreement. It’s not the same as having lawyers involved throughout the process, but it’s certainly less expensive. A divorce lawyer who is legally bound to look out for your best interests will inform you if you’re getting shafted in the agreement. That shouldn’t happen in an amicable divorce, right? That brings us to our final tip.
Leave Unwavering Trust To the Dog (That You’re Totally Getting)
A divorce on good terms can sometimes obscure the simple fact that the relationship you entered for the rest of your life is ending. No matter how amicable the two of you are, it’s crucial that you keep your eyes wide open and understand that you’re crafting a legally-binding agreement that includes your house, your possessions, your retirement funds, your children, and so on. Greed, grief, and anger can make people do horrible things. Realizing that you’ve been hoodwinked several months after the divorce is finalized is not going to present you with a promising array of options for remedy.
There’s no doubt that if possible, a friendly, noncontested divorce offers tremendous savings and can make a difficult transition a little easier. Still, you need to stay on top of each step of the process and understand that there should be a lot of give-and-take on both sides. Be as kind as possible, but also be willing to seek legal guidance if things begin to go awry.
Related Resources
- Couple Will Bid for Their Furbaby as Delaware Judge Orders Private Auction To Settle Canine Partition Process (FindLaw’s Law and Daily Life)
- Situations Where You Need a Divorce Lawyer (FindLaw’s Divorce Law)
- Pet Custody Laws: Divorces Tackle Pet Custody (FindLaw’s Law and Daily Life)
