Checklist: Who Gets Custody?

By Jade Yeban, J.D. | Legally reviewed by Rhonda Earhart, Esq. | Last reviewed May 30, 2023

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Remember, the court will always make custody decisions based on what is in the best interests of the child.

When parents cannot agree on a custody arrangement, the court is left with a tough decision. The court will consider many factors when deciding to whom to award custody. In many cases, a consideration of the various factors results in an award of custody to the parent who has been the child's primary caretaker.

The following checklist can help you and your attorney establish who has been the primary caretaker in your family.

Checklist: Who Gets Custody?

Who was usually or most often responsible for performing the following childcare responsibilities?
Task Parent 1 Parent 2 Shared

Feeding infant

______

______

______

Feeding younger children

______

______

______

Changing diapers

______

______

______

Holding/cuddling

______

______

______

Preparing meals

______

______

______

Packing lunches

______

______

______

Grocery shopping

______

______

______

Dressing

______

______

______

Doing laundry

______

______

______

Buying clothing

______

______

______

Maintaining clothing

______

______

______

Bathing

______

______

______

Washing hair

______

______

______

Styling hair

______

______

______

Brushing teeth (help with or enforce)

______

______

______

Putting to bed

______

______

______

Reading stories, books

______

______

______

Helping with homework

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from school

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from extracurricular activities

______

______

______

Conferencing with teachers

______

______

______

Attending school open houses

______

______

______

School volunteering

______

______

______

Choosing schools

______

______

______

Helping choose classes

______

______

______

Attending PTA/PTO meetings

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from religious services

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from religious classes

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from sports activities

______

______

______

Coaching sports teams

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from lessons

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from play dates

______

______

______

Arranging play dates

______

______

______

Hosting play dates

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from birthday parties

______

______

______

Hosting birthday parties

______

______

______

Shopping for gifts for friends

______

______

______

Shopping for gifts for the child

______

______

______

Shopping for school supplies

______

______

______

Shopping for toiletries

______

______

______

Taking to doctor

______

______

______

Taking to dentist

______

______

______

Taking to orthodontist

______

______

______

Making doctor/dentist appointments

______

______

______

Taking care of the sick child

______

______

______

Hiring babysitters

______

______

______

Picking up/dropping off babysitter

______

______

______

Arranging daycare

______

______

______

Taking to/picking up from daycare

______

______

______

Planning holidays

______

______

______

Planning vacations

______

______

______

Teaching values

______

______

______

Teaching manners

______

______

______

Monitoring chores

______

______

______

Teaching sex education

______

______

______

Taking to park

______

______

______

Playing with indoors

______

______

______

Playing with outdoors

______

______

______

Cleaning home

______

______

______

Maintaining home

______

______

______

Other (please list):

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

________________________________

______

______

______

For more information on this topic, return to FindLaw's Who Gets Custody section, or visit the Child Custody section for other related topics.

How Do Courts Decide Custody?

Courts decide custody using the “best interests of the child" standard. Ultimately, the court prioritizes placing the child in a stable, safe environment. The court will consider several different relevant factors in the child custody case. Examples of the factors the court considers when deciding custody of the child include:

  • The child's preferences (if the child is old enough)
  • The needs of the child
  • The parent who serves as the primary caregiver of the child
  • The ability of each parent to provide care for the child
  • The physical health and mental health of each parent
  • Any evidence of parental substance abuse, child abuse, or domestic violence

The court looks at these factors together to make custody decisions. 

What Are the Different Types of Custody Arrangements?

The court may award a few different types of custody arrangements. Typically, courts prefer to give joint custody to parents, meaning that they share joint legal custody and joint physical custody. Legal custody refers to the ability of a parent to make major decisions about the child's life. Important decisions might include topics like education, healthcare, medical care, religion, or the child's upbringing. Physical custody refers to where the child lives and who cares for the child on a day-to-day basis.

If the court finds that a parent is "unfit," they might give the other parent sole custody of a child. This can be sole legal custody and/or sole physical custody. This type of custody order is usually entered if there is any evidence of child abuse or domestic violence. The parent who loses their custodial rights is called the non-custodial parent. In the court order, they might be obligated to pay child support to the custodial parent.

The non-custodial parent still has visitation rights. They are entitled to parenting time under the parenting plan. This is because the court supports the child's relationship with both parents. The parent's visitation might require supervision if the safety of the child is a concern.

Who Gets Custody? Get More Clarity From a Lawyer

Child custody disputes can be among the most contentious and complicated kinds of legal situations a person can face. The emotional toll of custody battles can make it difficult to focus on the technical aspects of your case.

Getting the help of a family law attorney can help you tremendously. They can advise you on the custody laws of your state. They will provide valuable legal advice about your parental rights and legal rights overall. Lawyers can represent you in family court.

Talk to an experienced child custody attorney today.

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Can I Solve This on My Own or Do I Need an Attorney?

  • Both parents can seek custody of their children — with or without an attorney
  • An attorney can help get the custody and visitation agreement you want
  • An attorney will advocate for your rights as a parent

A lawyer can help protect your rights and your children's best interests. Many attorneys offer free consultations.

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Don't Forget About Estate Planning

Once new child custody arrangements are in place, it’s an ideal time to create or change your estate planning forms. Take the time to add new beneficiaries to your will and name a guardian for any minor children. Consider creating a financial power of attorney so your agent can pay bills and provide for your children. A health care directive explains your health care decisions and takes the decision-making burden off your children when they become adults.

Start Planning