Child Custody Mediation FAQ

There are two general types of child custody mediation: court-ordered mediation and private mediation. In either case, the parents should come to an agreement. Then, a mediator will assist them in forming a parenting agreement. This agreement is then forwarded to the attorneys of each party for review. A judge signs the agreement, and then it becomes a court order.

This article provides the basics of mediation. Learn about the benefits of mediation and some scenarios where mediation may not be the best choice for a separated couple. The following are answers to a few of the most frequently asked questions (FAQs) about child custody mediation.

What is Mediation?

Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process that involves a neutral third party (a “mediator"). The mediator assists in negotiating a settlement between the parties. The mediator does not make decisions or impose solutions. Instead, they help the parties communicate and reach a mutually agreeable outcome. Many family courts across the United States actually require divorce mediation sessions before proceeding to trial.

Mediation can be an effective tool for resolving a wide range of legal disputes, including custody issues. When parents separate or divorce, they may need to establish a custody order that outlines how they will share physical and legal custody of their child. Mediation can be a useful option for parents who want to negotiate the terms of their custody agreement without going to court.

Why Should I Try Mediation Instead of Going to Court for a Child Custody Dispute?

Mediation programs are used for a variety of issues but are often used for family law disputes. This is because emotions are usually running high in these situations. In a battle over the custody of the child, a judge in a trial may make a decision that satisfies neither party. The process is also emotionally taxing and expensive.

In mediation, the parties work together with a neutral third party to reach a custody agreement or parenting plan. The agreement or plan will be tailored to their unique situation and meet the child's needs. Mediation can be a less adversarial and more effective way to resolve custody disputes than going to court.

My Ex and I Have a Bad Relationship. Can Child Custody Mediation Still Work?

Mediation can be done separately. If you and your ex can't be in the same room together, mediation can accommodate your animosity toward one another. The mediator will go back and forth between the parties and work on a parenting agreement until it's completed.

Keep in mind that mediators do this for a living and can skillfully deal with fighting couples. Mediators will stress the importance of putting aside personal issues for the sake of the child. They are typically very good at redirecting a parent's focus back to the issue that really matters -- the child.

Mediation may not be the best option for some parents. For example, it may not be appropriate if there is a history of child abuse, substance abuse, or domestic violence. In these situations, mediation can further exacerbate the power dynamics between the couple and lead to further harm to the victim.

What Are Some of the Specific Advantages of Mediation for Child Custody Cases?

Some of the many benefits of mediation include the following:

• Unlike the family court, mediation is a non-adversarial approach to problem-solving. This means that the process is less threatening. Any agreements resulting from mediation will typically go to the judge to sign off before it can become a court order. Also, nothing you do or say in mediation will be used as evidence in a potential trial. So, parties can speak more freely in mediation than in court. However, always check with a local attorney to verify that this is the case in your jurisdiction.

• The mediator is a professional, neutral third party who is not invested in either side.

• Mediation can offer a solution more quickly than any trial. Mediation can be conducted in a week or two. Conversely, the entire trial process could take months or years. The court process is not only long but expensive.

• In addition to parents, other parties may have an interest in the child's custody, like grandparents. Mediation can provide a forum for these parties to voice their concerns and reach a resolution that is in the best interests of the child.

• Mediation can set the tone for your relationships going forward. You and your ex may have parted ways, but you still need to be able to communicate in some fashion. Numerous studies have shown that children do much better if their parents can cooperate and communicate, even if they are no longer in a relationship. Remember, you're setting an example for your child. Always put the child's best interest first.

Is Mediation Expensive?

The mediation process can be significantly less expensive than working through the courts. Rather than having each spouse pay for an attorney to represent them in court, the parents can hire one mediator (who is often an attorney). The mediator can help the parents reach an agreement, which they can then submit for a court's approval. Usually, the parties split payments and cover the costs of the mediation sessions. A mediation agreement should cover these details before the mediation process begins.

How Do I Prepare for Child Custody Mediation?

Below are a few steps you can take before negotiating a custody agreement:

• Create notes outlining your child’s school schedule, extracurricular activities, and other commitments. Your parenting schedule can account for the child’s existing daily structure.

• Write notes for your own schedule. Check whether some events or activities could be flexible. Some commitments, such as your work schedule, might be more rigid than others.

• List your priorities for holidays, birthdays, or other special days with your child. Your top choices might not match the final agreement, but they can help you orient your goals.

• Think about your child’s needs. You may want to minimize travel time and avoid trade-offs during inopportune times. A strategic physical custody schedule can help reduce their stress.

• Consider how to help your child keep their relationships with other family members, including relatives on both sides of the family.

• Read about the mediation process so you know what to expect.

• Commit to staying calm and professional. Even if you no longer get along with the other parent, temporarily set aside disagreements to focus on your child’s well-being.

• Keep an open mind. Successful mediation requires both parties to compromise on a new co-parenting arrangement.

Talk to a lawyer first if you worry about specific child custody issues. Or, if you have doubts about mediation, your attorney can help you decide how to proceed.

Need Help With Child Custody Mediation? Ask an Attorney

If you'd like to know more about the possibility of a mediated child custody arrangement or have questions about your child custody case, there's no substitute for professional legal counsel. Having sound advice and expert representation can make all the difference in the outcome of your child custody dispute.

A child custody attorney will be able to help you. They can provide valuable legal advice to guide you through the mediation process. They can even help represent you at mediation or alternative dispute resolution sessions. They can advocate for your parenting time or child support payments. They can also help draw a custody agreeme