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Top 5 Quotes from Mindy Kaling's Harvard Law Graduation Speech

By Gabriella Khorasanee, JD | Last updated on

A few weeks ago, we highlighted some notable 2014 law school graduation speeches -- but we were too early for the best commencement speech of the season. What speech gets this high honor? None other than Mindy Kaling's speech at the Harvard Law School graduation.

It all started with Kaling stating that she was honored to get an honorary Harvard Law degree, when she was kindly corrected that she was not in fact, not getting a degree. The rest was jokes and jokes, until Mindy Kaling ended on an inspiring note.

If you missed the speech, we highly recommend hearing it for yourself. If you don't have 16 minutes to devote to that, read on for our favorite quotes from her speech.

On Celebrity Endorsements:

What intelligent remarks can she [Kaling] possibly make about the law? She's probably too busy doing shampoo commercials. But, I'm not too busy. You know? In fact, I would kill to do a shampoo commercial. So, if anyone from L'Oreal is out there, please just snapchat me after this.

On Litigation:

But I'll have you know, I do know a ton about the law because I sue everybody.

On Dartmouth Law:

Actually, little known fact, Dartmouth has a law school. It's just one semester, and its course work is entirely centered on how to beat a DUI. But I'm not here to extol the virtues of the Dartmouth RedBull School of Law.

On Post-Law School Pursuits

And now, with this diploma in hand, most of you will go on to the noblest of pursuits, like helping a cable company acquire a telecom company. You will defend BP from birds. You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated well before the fracking occurred. One of you will sort out the details of my prenup, a dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce.

On Justice

I am obsessed with justice. Not so much with the law, but with justice. Actually, in my mind, law is that pesky thing that often gets in the way of justice. I believe in the Clint Eastwood school of the law... An eye for an eye? I don't think so. No, that solves nothing. You take my eye, I take your life, my friend. Ok? In a duel ... Aaron Burr style. I don't want your stupid eye, for what, my eye collection? You're dead. Yes, duels are the first thing that you learn when you enter my graduate program -- the Harvard School of Vengeance.

There are so many more funny quotes in her speech, if we quoted them all, we would basically just transcribe her speech here. Mindy Kaling's speech is definitely the funniest I've ever heard, and we're hoping that your graduation speeches were just as enjoyable to sit through.

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