If you have children and are divorcing an alcoholic or considering it, you know you will have to prepare for some additional difficulties. An alcoholic parent who is still drinking but is in denial may seek custody of your children, even though they are not always a safe caregiver. If your spouse is prone to alcohol abuse, then you will want to find a way to protect your children and yourself.
Family laws, domestic violence laws, and resources vary from state to state. You will need to research your own jurisdiction and talk to an attorney near you. But it is worth looking at some general principles when it comes to protecting children during a divorce from an alcoholic spouse.
If You Are In Immediate Danger
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Substance use disorder, the official diagnosis for addiction, is associated with a higher risk of domestic violence. If your spouse has been violent or threatened any member of your household, you need resources to seek help for your children’s safety and for yours. Only an experienced divorce lawyer can give you legal advice and the best local information, but in the meantime, you should be able to research what the options are in your state and city.
Although websites cannot provide legal advice, including this one, several can offer you crucial information, including:
- DomesticShelters.org allows you to search for shelters by location, with options to filter, so that you can see their options for children and pets
- The National Domestic Abuse Hotline can offer personal support and resources regarding all forms of abuse
- Practical tips from the US Office on Women’s Health
Leaving an abusive relationship can be its most dangerous point, so you will want to know how and when you can get protective orders for the children and yourself. A protective order or restraining order can forbid any contact at all, including third-party contact from family members. However, an order may expire after a period of days or weeks, requiring you to go to court to argue for its extension. Again, your local attorney will have the best perspective on how to proceed.
Custody Decisions and Substance Abuse
Even if violence is not your concern, you may well fear for your children’s safety when their other parent has an alcohol addiction. In the care of an alcoholic parent, your children could have to endure dangerous or traumatic situations, such as:
- Drunk driving and DUI arrests
- Inebriation in public or in school settings
- Abusive behavior from unsafe “friends” of the parent
- Accidents due to neglect, such as falling into water or wandering away from the house
If your spouse’s alcoholism has endangered your child, compile as much evidence as you can — photos, voicemails, text messages, medical records — and show it to your attorney. The judge in your divorce case will need to have evidence to show that your children’s welfare is at stake.
By law, family court judges have to make custody decisions based on the “best interests of the child.” Each state has some guidelines or laws for what judges should consider as part of the child’s best interests for child custody. Courts typically give serious consideration to substance abuse issues when present. A child’s safety with a parent should always be a major part of the analysis.
Bear in mind that state policies also value parental rights and/or a child’s right to a relationship with each parent, regardless of their flaws. When a parent is not obviously dangerous, a family court is likely to order that they should at least have visitation rights, if not partial custody. That may be acceptable for your family, especially if your particular spouse is an otherwise caring parent with a substance abuse disorder and/or is getting treatment.
When a parent’s alcohol abuse is at issue, family court judges may require alcohol monitoring through Soberlink, Keepr, or another court-approved testing service. This can involve alcohol testing at random, at daily intervals, or ahead of scheduled parenting time. If your attorney can work with your spouse or their attorney, you may be able to agree on a parenting plan. However, your spouse will have to accept that they need help before they can decide to cooperate.
Reaching Out for Help
A family law attorney near you should have the knowledge you need about applicable statutes, proofs, and the divorce process. In the meantime, you and your children may also decide to attend Al-Anon, Alateen, or other support groups for families impacted by alcohol use disorders. No two situations are alike, and you need someone who will understand yours.
Related Resources
- Find a Divorce Lawyer Near You (FindLaw's Learn About the Law)
- Where to Fle for Divorce (FindLaw's Learn About the Law)
- Filing and Serving the Divorce Petition (FindLaw's Learn About the Law)
- Child Custody Basics (FindLaw's Learn About the Law)
