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The Funniest Resume Gaffes Not To Make

By Neetal Parekh | Last updated on

We have all been there.  Searching for the perfect job.  Or sometimes, searching for any job at all.  It's a tough station in life...getting hopes high with a promising job post and then then working furiously to tailor your resume and cover letter, only to hear that they will keep you 'in mind for the future', or never hear back at all.  If you are in the doldrums of job searching, don't let up.  Sign up for those job listing e-newsletters, go to the job fairs, network your worries away.

But in the process of job search and research, always be ready to laugh.  A little at yourself, tactfully at others, and wholeheartedly at the comedy of the career search.

And ripe for the giggles and howls, is Resumania.  A seemingly simple landing page with a never-ending scrolling bar and zero graphics may make you wonder whether it was created by your five-year old niece or eighty-seven year old great uncle, once removed.  But once you start reading the entries and the quippy responses you will be sold.  You may even call your niece and great uncle, once removed, to apologize for doubting them.

Here are some of our top picks from  Enjoy.  No really, have a ball.

"COVER LETTER: Upon your humble request, I will forward to your personal attention my letters of reference to be attached hereto and made part thereof."
Is this a cover letter or a legal contract?

"JOB DUTIES: Tracking competitor activities, scheming."
A conniving candidate.

"COVER LETTER: I would love to interview for the position of (insert job title here). If you grant me an interview for (insert job title here), I feel confident you'll see why I'm the right person for the job."
Due to your failure to proofread, we can't help but (insert polite rejection line here).

Education: "Graduated from a good university."
We're comforted to know.

Objective: "To obtain a position where I can make a difference, infecting others with my professionalism, enthusiasm and dedication."
Let's hope that's all that's contagious.

Reason for leaving: "They stopped paying me."
I can't think of a better reason.

Cover letter: "Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days."
Thank goodness you came to *us*.

"Looking for an employer that believes in prompting from within."
Always good to use that little inner voice as a motivator.

Cover letter: "Dear Sir/Madman"
Hobbies: "I enjoy wandering the streets at night uncovering crimes and reporting them to the police. I also collect pens."
Are those to keep the criminals in until the police come?

Cover letter: "Sorry about the delay in getting my resume to you. It took me along time to proof it."
So long you didn't have time to read the cover letter.

"PERSONAL: I am in good health and I love the outdoors and computers."
We'll call you if a position opens up with an office in the woods.

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