Is Open Adoption Right For You?

Both birth parents and prospective adoptive parents may wonder whether open adoption best suits their goals. Does openness in adoption appeal to you? Whether an open adoption will be successful can depend on many factors, especially the wishes of the birth parent.

The following article will help you decide whether open adoption is the right avenue for your family.

The Benefits of Open Adoption

In an open adoption, the birth parents and adoptive parents interact. The contact can also include the adopted child. The level of interaction depends on how comfortable the family members feel. Communication might be in letters, emails, texts, or in-person visits.

Every adoption story has special needs and unique circumstances. There is no “one size fits all" situation. If you're considering adoption, you have to consider what type of relationship you want to have with the other parents.

The Child Keeps a Relationship with Their Birth Family

The goals of open adoption are:

• To reduce the child's sense of loss
• To maintain and uplift the adopted child's ongoing relationships with all the significant people in their life
• To let the child process their situation with honesty instead of imagining an idealized version of their family of origin when they don't have contact

Encouraging a relationship between the child and their birth parents or relatives can also offer secondary benefits. For example, the child may learn important medical information and family history over time.

Birth parents can also enjoy the benefit of watching their child grow up. They may find peace of mind knowing their child is with a safe and loving family. Birth parents should be aware of how adoption affects their parenthood.

The Arrangement Is Flexible

When you opt for open adoption, you can decide what level of openness is best for your situation.

There are two main levels of openness in an open adoption:

• Semi-open (or mediated) adoption: In semi-open adoptions, contact between birth and adoptive families is conducted using a third-party mediator rather than directly. The third party is typically an agency caseworker, social worker, or attorney. In these adoptions, the adoptive family and biological family share non-identifying information such as medical history, pictures, and updates about the child's development.
• Fully open adoption: In a fully open adoption, there is direct contact among the parties. Identifying information — such as name and contact information — is shared between the adoptive and biological families. The amount of direct contact the child has with the biological family is negotiable and dependent on the child's best interest and the comfort level of the adoptive parents.

The Amount of Contact Is Negotiable

You can discuss the type and frequency of contact between your adopted child and their birth parents. There may be ongoing contact that ranges from every few years to several times a month or more. Communication may include direct contact consisting of letters, e-mails, phone calls, or visits.

Contact often changes as a child grows and has more questions about their adoption or as families' needs change. You can outline the specific terms in a post-adoption contact agreement.

Adoptive Parents Get Parental Rights

Even in an open adoption, adoptions sever the legal relationship between a birth parent and child. Adoption is not the same as co-parenting. The biological parents give up their parental rights. The adoptive parents become the "legal" parents of their adopted children.

For other children who aren't adopted, the birth mother or the biological mother is the legal mother. For married parents, the father is the presumed legal father if the child's birth occurs during the marriage. He is the presumptive birth father.

Adoptive parents assume the parental rights and responsibilities instead of the birth parents. These rights include making medical, educational, and religious decisions for the child. Adoptive parents also must provide basic financial support, supervision, and safety for the child. The birth parents would not have the same legal rights and liabilities.

Many Types of Adoptions Can Be Open

The adoption type may impact your decision. Or it may inform your decision-making about your adoption plan.

Several types of adoption may vary in openness, including:

• Child Welfare Adoptions: Adoption through the foster care system. After the court terminates the biological parents' parental rights, foster parents, or another adoptive family, can adopt the children.

• Kinship/Relative Adoptions: Adopting your relatives. The Child Welfare Information Gateway recognizes that relatives are favored when the state removes children from their home. The goal is to continue family connections between the child and their biological relatives. Sometimes, the relatives adopt the family members in their care.

• Adoption Agency Adoptions: Adoptive placement via an adoption agency. The agency can be a private adoption agency or a public one. The agency provides adoption services, such as vetting the adoptive parents and locating the child's medical history.

• Independent Adoptions: Adoption without an adoption agency.

• International Adoptions: In contrast to domestic adoption, international adoptions involve adopting children from outside of the U.S. Keeping contact with the birth parents may be difficult in some circumstances.

There is also adult adoption, where the adopted person is not a minor child, and the person adopting the adult must be at least ten years older than the adoptee in most cases.

Possible Cons of Open Adoption

Both open and closed adoptions can be confusing or difficult for children. Below are a few downsides of open adoption that may inform your decision.

Exposure to Adult Challenges

An open adoption relationship could present a risk to the child in some cases. They may still suffer some of the emotional effects of their birth mom or dad’s situation during contact. There is also a risk of abandonment if the birth parents stop communicating. It is important to evaluate the child’s needs to decide whether a closed adoption is more suitable for them.

Risk of Interpersonal Conflict

Unlike in a closed adoption, the birth family has a level of visibility into the child’s new home life. They might disagree with the adoptive family’s parenting decisions or lifestyle. They might express this disappointment in ways that create tension between the parties.

In these conflicts, there is a risk of involving the child. The child may face pressure to favor one side or try to mediate the problem themselves. If the conflict persists, the adoptive family might reduce the level of openness with the birth parent to protect the child.

Birth parents might feel regret or disapproval of the adoption outcome. Adoption orders, including for open adoptions, are final. Birth parents usually cannot revoke their consent later to choose a new family.

Planning a Successful Open Adoption for Your Family

For an open adoption to work well, the adults involved must recognize the importance of safely maintaining the child's existing relationships with biological relatives. The parties must be flexible and willing to nurture and promote these relationships, despite their occasional ups and downs.

Open adoption will likely succeed if all parties do the following:

• Stay committed to the open adoption plan and process
• Consistently and respectfully communicate with each other
• Maintain flexibility concerning the child’s needs throughout their life

Open adoption may not be a good fit for everyone. As with all family law decisions, it's important to keep the best interests of the child at the forefront. The child's well-being is paramount.

Open adoption is just one of several options available to families. In confidential or closed adoptions, no contact occurs, and no identifying information is exchanged.

Questions To Consider for Your Adoption Journey

In open adoptions, families need to consider when and how much to tell a child about their birth family. Then, families will decide how to involve them in that relationship. You should consider the child's welfare and mental health when making this decision.

Some of the questions you may want to consider include:

• At what age should a child be included in contact with their birth family?
• What happens if one party decides to break off all contact?
• What will the birth parents' role be in the child's life?
• How will your child explain their relationship with birth relatives to their peers? How will they talk about birth family members?
• How will you handle other adopted siblings who have different levels of openness in their adoptions?

An adoption professional can help you address some of these issues. Or, you can get adoption assistance from support groups or other private social services agencies.

Get Legal Help for Open Adoption Questions

There are a lot of variables to consider before pursuing an open adoption. There are many choices in the adoption process, not the least of which is the birth parent's wishes.

You'll likely enter into a formal agreement stipulating the frequency of contact with the birth mother or birth father. You would also have to be emotionally prepared for this type of arrangement.

If you have questions about the legal aspects of an open adoption, you may want to contact an experienced adoption law attorney in your area.