Is Open Adoption Right For You?
Open, or fully disclosed, adoptions allow adoptive parents, and often the adopted child, to interact directly with birth parents. Family members interact in ways that feel most comfortable to them, whether it's the occasional letter or monthly visits. But is open adoption right for you? This can depend on a number of factors, especially the wishes of the birth parent.
The following article will help you decide whether open adoption is the right avenue for your family.
Open Adoption Basics
One of the key factors to determine before embarking on an open adoption is the type and frequency of contact between the child and the birth parent(s). Communication may include letters, e-mails, telephone calls, or visits. The frequency of contact is negotiated and can range from every few years to several times a month or more. Contact often changes as a child grows and has more questions about his or her adoption or as families' needs change.
It's important to note that even in an open adoption, the legal relationship between a birth parent and child is severed. The adoptive parents are the legal parents of an adopted child.
The goals of open adoption are:
- To minimize the child's loss of relationships;
- To maintain and celebrate the adopted child's connections with all the important people in his or her life; and
- To allow the child to resolve losses with truth, rather than the fantasy adopted children often create when no information or contact with their birth family is available.
Deciding Whether Open Adoption is Right for Your Family
Open adoption is just one of several openness options available to families, ranging from confidential, to semi-open (or mediated), to fully open adoption. In semi-open or mediated adoptions, contact between birth and adoptive families is made through a mediator (e.g., an agency caseworker or attorney) rather than directly. In confidential adoptions no contact takes place and no identifying information is exchanged.
Making an open adoption work requires flexibility and a commitment to ongoing relationships, despite their ups and downs. While this type of adoption is not right for every family, open adoption can work well if everyone wants it and if there's good communication, flexibility, commitment to the process, respect for all parties involved, and commitment to the child's needs above all.
Is Open Adoption Right for You: Questions to Consider
In open adoptions, families need to consider when and how much to tell a child about his or her birth family, and then if and how to involve him or her in that relationship. An adoption professional can help you address some of these issues. Some of the questions you may want to consider include:
- At what age should a child be included in contact with his or her birth family?
- What happens if one party decides to break off all contact?
- What will the birth parents' role be in the child's life?
- How will your child explain his or her relationship with birth relatives to his or her peers?
- How will you handle other adopted siblings who have different levels of openness in their adoptions?
Get an Attorney's Help in Deciding If Open Adoption is Right for You
There are a lot of variables to consider before pursuing an open adoption, not least of which is the birth parent's wishes. You'll likely enter into a formal agreement stipulating frequency of contact with the birth mother, but you'll have to be emotionally prepared for this type of arrangement. If you have questions about the legal aspects of an open adoption, you may want to contact an experienced adoption law attorney in your area.